i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This house was built for laser tag.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
