Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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