btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
