is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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