we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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