Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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