I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Actions speak louder than pants.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
