I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
