ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
