She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
