A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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