Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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