My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
