this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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