kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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