but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
