You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
