What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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