i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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