piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
