I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
