I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
