So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
