You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
