They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
