The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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