Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i think i have two assholes
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
