Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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