I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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