he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just had sex on a roof
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
