well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
