What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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