dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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