There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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