last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
