I am puke
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
