Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
