Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
