hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
