I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
