As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
