You work out of a Hotel?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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