check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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