She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
did i walk over a car last night?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
