Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
