you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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