i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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