I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
