Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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