haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
