i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
