Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
