He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My feet surprised me
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