You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
